Uncle Shawn and Bill and the Almost Entirely Unplanned Adventure Read online

  And then all the llamas, snug and dry and warm and happy, went to sleep in their hammocks, snoring in Peruvian accents and with their hooves waving in the air.

  SECTION NINETEEN

  In which friends get to be friends.

  A little later, Badger Bill and Uncle Shawn walked up to the farmhouse holding hands and Bill noticed that there was a badger rocking chair on the veranda, just as if he’d been expected. “Thank you, Uncle Shawn. It’s exactly like my own. I think you knew about the McGloones, didn’t you? And the poor llamas. You came to get us and take us home. You always had a plan.”

  “Well,” said Uncle Shawn, proudly, “I don’t know … I think I was just ready. And then there were the sad llamas and the bad farmers… And you. And I thought I might perhaps need an adventure and to do some amazing things and to meet some amazing llamas and then maybe find a best friend. And it could be that I’d always thought my best friend might need a rocking chair when I finally found him… Maybe… That could have been my plan all along…” And he winked. “If I’d had a plan…” He grinned an extremely happy grin. “Go and see what the farmhouse is like inside. Your room is upstairs on the left.”

  Badger Bill scampered off to see how lovely the place would be.

  Inside the farmhouse the walls were covered in jam fingerprints and there was butter on the chairs and a lizard reading comics under the sofa, and Bill thought, “Dear me, I’ll have to give this a good clean tomorrow.” He was a very neat badger.

  But once he’d climbed up the stairs with marmalade on the carpet, his own room was as shiny and neat as a new pin. It was painted blue, which was Bill’s favourite colour, and it had a snug badger bed with a quilt that had pictures of famous badgers on it. He bounced on the bed and wriggled and jiggled to test that it was comfortable. It was perfect.

  (This was either to do with magic, or because Uncle Shawn had guessed the things Bill would like and had sent messages on ahead – carefully remembered and then recited by ravens – and had asked the grown-up squirrels to arrange things…)

  Then Bill came downstairs and made some bread and jam and hot chocolate. Next he walked outside on to the veranda where Uncle Shawn was standing and offered him one of the two pieces of bread and one of the two mugs of hot chocolate.

  “Hello, Uncle Shawn. I found these mugs in the piano.”

  “Of course you did.” Uncle Shawn smiled and started to drink his chocolate. “This is very good.” And to eat his bread and jam. “And this is very good, too.”

  And then Uncle Shawn sat on the veranda next to Bill, who was in his little badger rocking chair, and they both finished their bread and their chocolate. Then they watched the sun setting and told each other jokes.

  “How does a pig go to hospital, Uncle Shawn?”

  “In a hambulance, Bill. What do you do if you find a bear in your bed?”

  “Get another bed!”

  And both of them laughed and Uncle Shawn looked at Badger Bill and thought, “I have a best friend.”

  And Badger Bill looked at Uncle Shawn and thought exactly the same thing.

  They were as happy as happy could be and then a little happier than that.

  UNCLE SHAWN AND BILL’S FAVOURITE JOKES

  What’s 20 feet tall and yellow?

  A giraffodil.

  What’s black and white and goes up and down ?

  Badger Bill hopping.

  What’s black and white, over and over?

  Badger Bill doing somersaults.

  What’s black and white and can’t climb trees?

  Not Badger Bill because he’s very good at climbing trees, even though he has quite short legs.

  What’s very tall and wavy?

  A tree in the wind?

  No.

  A snake standing on tiptoe?

  No.

  Uncle Shawn waving?

  Yes!

  A. L. KENNEDY A. L. Kennedy was born in a small Scottish town far too long ago and has written books for adults and children, but mainly adults. Before that she made up stories to amuse herself. It has always surprised her that her job involves doing one of the things she loves most and she’s very grateful to be a writer. She has won awards for her books in several countries. She has travelled all over the world and enjoyed it immensely. She plays the banjo badly, but makes up for this by never playing it anywhere near anyone else.

  GEMMA CORRELL Gemma Correll is a cartoonist, writer, illustrator and all-round small person. She is author of A Pug’s Guide to Etiquette and Doodling for Dog People, and the illustrator of Pig and Pug by Lynne Berry, Being a Girl by Hayley Long and The Trials of Ruby P. Baxter (among other things). Her illustrations look like a five year old drew them because she hires one to do all her work for her. She pays him in fudge. His name is Alan.

  First published 2017 by Walker Books Ltd

  87 Vauxhall Walk, London SE11 5HJ

  Text © 2017 A. L. Kennedy • Illustrations © 2017 Gemma Correll

  The right of A. L. Kennedy and Gemma Correll to be identified as author and illustrator respectively of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, taping and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: a catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN 978-1-4063-7040-9 (ePub)

  www.walker.co.uk